Frantic
by Justine Lark
Summary: “Do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today?” How close? What went through Edward's mind when Bella went to La Push and how does he come to terms with her visits? An emotional Eclipse missing moment from Edward's POV!
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Characters and situation created by Stephenie Meyer. You already knew that._

* * *

"Edward, how can you not love grizzly bear?" Emmett pushed the drained carcass into the river and grinned at me. "It smells good, it's delicious, and there's plenty of it. It is mighty satisfying."

I chuckled. "You sound like you're filming a commercial."

"It's the next best thing to biting humans," Jasper proposed.

"When you care enough to kill the very best," countered Emmett.

"Tastes great _and_ more filling!"

"Have a bear and a smile." The two of them were doubled over laughing.

"Seriously, Edward, there's more where these came from. Go for it." Jasper encouraged me.

"No, thank you."

"You prefer a little kitty cat?" asked Emmett.

"De gustibus non disputandum est," I replied. They just stared at me. They had no idea what I was talking about. "It's Latin," I explained. _Meaning?_ thought Jasper. _Boy, does he have too much time on his hands,_ thought Emmett, not for the first time.

"There's no accounting for taste," I translated.

"Oh, so that explains why Bella's always over at our house," said Emmett.

"No, it explains why you didn't run away screaming when you woke up and saw Rosalie." Emmett loved to tease, and he could take it as well as dish it out, but he wasn't so sanguine about comments regarding his wife. I could tell it bothered him a little.

So could Jasper. "Would you two knock it off? I have better things to do than to break up a fight."

"No problem," Emmett said, grinning. "Don't break it up." We were way out in the wilderness. His thoughts mirrored mine: _Good place for a wrestling match_.

My phone rang. My mood changed the moment I saw Alice's name on the screen. I was sure she would contact me only if there were important news about my future— or Bella's.

"What is it?"

"I'm so sorry!" Her tone and her words paralyzed me. I couldn't even speak to request further information, but I didn't need to. "She's with the wolves."

"What?"

"She was supposed to be at work, but I saw her driving towards La Push and then, nothing! It happened so fast; she was over the line before I could get there."

"I'm on my way." I snapped the phone shut. My brothers were at my side, ready to act. "I'm going back," I told them, taking off towards the car. In their thoughts I heard confusion and shock at my emotional state, which was as obvious to Emmett as it was to Jasper.

"What is going on?" Emmett demanded. They had to run with me in order to talk, because I had no intention of stopping.

"You haven't fed yet," Jasper reminded me, trying to soothe me. But I was so agitated that his efforts made no noticeable impact. "What happened? Is it Bella?"

I was too worked up to reply. Emmett roared in exasperation. "Tell us or I'm going to beat it out of you."

"You won't catch me." I snarled at him.

"We want to help you," said Jasper. He directed another wave of calmness at me, giving me enough control to converse with them.

"She got away from Alice somehow. She went to the reservation." Saying the words sent panic racing through my body and a question darting into in my mind. Bella was in danger, and I was going to rescue her. Yes, of course, as I'd done before. But this time she had put herself there. Why?

"What are you going to do?" Jasper asked.

"Get her out, obviously!"

"Edward, no!" Jasper protested. He was thinking about the treaty.

"I can't just leave her there. Anything could happen. Something could have happened already. Alice can't see!" My voice was becoming hysterical. That was not productive. I'd try to believe she was unhurt unless and until it was proven otherwise. That was the best way to continue to function. My brothers were both considering the possible ramifications of my actions. "Stay out of it," I advised. "It's my problem, my choice. I'll take the consequences."

"Yeah, right." Emmett spoke up. _We're really going to let a pack of wolves attack you._

"Maybe they won't attack," said Jasper. "If I were there…" He was remembering the night Victoria was in the region.

"Whatever!" I said impatiently. "Can we just hurry?"

We'd wandered so far away from the car. That wasn't smart. I shouldn't have gone so far from home. So far from her. Finally we were back at the vehicle.

"Let me drive," ordered Emmett. _I will get you there in record time. You think about what you want to do._ I said nothing, but I tossed him the keys. He had the car in gear before we'd closed the doors.

"Let's talk strategy," said Jasper, renewing his attempts to calm me down.

"Stop that," I objected. "I don't want it." I needed the fear and tension and anger to propel me.

"Edward, it's not comfortable for me." The negative emotions were bouncing back and forth between us, growing as they leaped from his mind to mine and from my body to his.

"You didn't have to come with me." I thrashed around in my seat, overflowing with stress.

"You're going to lose it," Emmett warned. "Let him help you."

"This isn't helping Bella," Jasper pointed out. He was picturing her face. That image steadied me more than his gift.

"OK, OK, OK." I gave in. The relief felt good even though I knew it was manufactured.

"How do you want to do this?" asked Jasper.

"We're going with you," declared Emmett.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. If we all go, they can't ignore the provocation. If I go by myself, maybe they'll understand. I don't want to hurt anyone. I _won't_ hurt anyone if I can possibly help it. I just need to get Bella out."

"You have a point," conceded Jasper.

"And if they _don't_ understand?" Emmett was unable to accept the prospect of my entering hostile territory alone. "I can just picture us explaining to the others how we let you do that. Can you imagine what Esme would say? _Alice?_ They'd crucify us. Even if we wanted you to fly solo, which we don't, we couldn't."

"I can see that Jasper would be helpful, to calm the waters," I admitted.

"Yes," he said eagerly. "I've done it before."

Emmett's mind flashed with indignation. "The two of you would go without me?" he bellowed. Jasper quickly soothed him.

"OK, I don't think that's going to work, Edward," Jasper said.

"Then I have to go by myself."

"No," they replied in unison.

"Edward," said Jasper, applying another heavy dose of calm. "Will you consider something, please? How about just giving her some time? Don't cross the boundary the moment we get there."

"You want me to leave her in danger," I said flatly.

"It's not a good situation," he said. "But exactly for that reason, you don't want to make it worse." I saw what he was thinking. A no-holds-barred battle with my Bella on the scene. Of course, I would try to get her to safety, but it wouldn't be straightforward. "Even with the three of us against them, it would be ugly."

"Bella might try to break it up," Emmett pointed out. His visions were worse than Jasper's.

I dropped my head into my hands. "What am I supposed to do?" Amazingly, they didn't answer, even mentally. They seemed to understand that I was overwhelmed. They gave me a few minutes to gather my thoughts. "OK," I announced. "I won't go in right away. I'll wait at the border for as long as I can stand it." I could hear that they approved of my plan. "And I don't want you to stay with me." Instant protest leapt at me from both their minds. "I'm not saying that I'm going in alone. I don't know yet. I just need space to think."

"Edward, I can help you! Keep you from getting too upset," Jasper argued.

"I know, but I need my own feelings so I can sort through them and decide what to do." I took a deep breath. "I hope and pray that she comes out of there before I have to make up my mind."

* * *

Somehow, we'd reached the border line. It seemed like days later although I knew Emmett's bravura driving had cut an hour off the trip. My brothers had left me with the car and returned home on foot. I had sworn to call them before taking any action.

I was pacing back and forth restlessly. Every nerve in my body was throbbing to go get her. I could tell my thoughts were crazy, but I couldn't make them stop. I was at war with myself.

_I'll never see her again. Never touch her, never hold her, never smell her. I can't let that happen. I _need_ her. I can't exist without her. _

_She's the only thing in heaven and earth that matters to me, and I've told her so every day. Why can't she understand how precious she is to me? Why did she take herself away from me like this? _

_Yes, what about that? Nobody took her. She went by her own choice. I know why. She wanted to spend time with that dog. She's putting her life in danger for _him_. She used to risk her life to be near _me_. _

_What if she doesn't come back? How long can I stand not knowing if she's OK?_

_I'm a hypocrite. I went for months without knowing if she was OK. I thought I was doing the right thing. She thinks this is right, and she's never been wrong the way I was. I should wait it out. _

_But she is wrong now. Wrong about him. He's unstable, volatile, lethal. She's fragile, trusting, vulnerable_. He's not safe._ A werewolf alone with my beautiful love. She doesn't understand. Even if he doesn't want to hurt her, it could happen so easily. So quickly. No warning. I need to be there to stop him!_

_He hasn't hurt her before now, even when he was so new. She's not going to be happy with me if I burst in there and nothing's wrong. Neither will Carlisle. If I break the treaty, even in the best case scenario, I'll disappoint him. It's the opposite of what he wants. And if I provoke a war?_

The consequences of that were too hideous to imagine. My terror and frustration were overwhelming. Savagely I ripped a tree from the ground and flung it away from me. _Does she know what she's done? Does she care that I'm going out of my mind?_

_She loves me. She's not a pet I can keep in a cage. She's not leaving me. She has a big heart. She has a lot of love to give. That love made it possible for her to forgive me. That love isn't all mine. It extends to her friends._

_I'm a miserable excuse for a boyfriend. I keep her from doing what she likes. She had to go behind my back. _

_Did she plan this? Tell me to go with my brothers so she'd be able to spend time with him?_

_But I'm not a tyrant. I told her no for a reason. Her safety._

_If anything happens, I'll kill him. I won't let anyone help me. It'll be just him and me, and I'll tear him apart. _

_What good would that do? I can't just wait around for my nightmares to come true. My job is to protect her, not avenge her._

_He's my enemy, but her friend. He helped her when I nearly destroyed her. He saved her when I left her unprotected. I have to trust him. _

_But I can never, never trust a werewolf._

I was so caught up in my thoughts that for a moment I didn't recognize the sound. My phone! I slammed it to my ear.

"She's on her way out." Alice's voice was brimming with relief. I didn't have to ask if she was sure. Her tone conveyed her elation and absolute certainty. My whole body felt limp.

I jumped in my car ready to follow her home. She had survived this day, but there wouldn't be any more chances for disaster, for the destruction of all of our lives. I had just endured some of the most difficult hours of my existence. I had to make her understand. I couldn't go through this again.

* * *

_Author's Note: Please let me know if you like my story! I love reviews and I try to write back to each one. I decided to extend this through the conversation in Bella's room and Edward's eventual decision not to contest Bella's visits to Jacob. There are four chapters in all._

_If you don't recognize the advertising slogans that Emmett and Jasper are parodying, then you haven't been watching American television as long as Emmett, Jasper, Edward and I have. They are for AT&T long distance service (the next best thing to being there), Hallmark cards (when you care enough to send the very best), Miller Light beer (tastes great, less filling) and Coke (have a Coke and a smile)._


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: As you can see, I did decide to follow Edward to see how he came to terms with Bella's visits to the reservation. All hail Stephenie once and future creator of Twilight!_

* * *

I knew I was following too close. Not that there was any chance of crashing. But tailgating unnerved human drivers. I should give her some space. Bella wasn't too confident behind the wheel. But I couldn't help it. I had to get as close to her as I possibly could, even though we were traveling in separate vehicles. She had jumped when I appeared behind her. I could see that her shoulders were tense.

I was beyond tense. I was nothing but hatred, stress and fury. Because he existed. Because he wanted to kill me. Because he wanted to take her away from me. Because he'd love for me to make a mistake. Because he was dangerous. Because he could hurt her. Because he had been there when I wasn't. Because he could give her exactly what I couldn't. Because she had gone behind my back to see him. How do I despise thee? Let me count the ways. God! What was I going to say to her?

She didn't seem to want to know. She didn't stop. She didn't go home. I didn't know where she was going. She slowed down and parked in front of a house. The Webers. Apparently she did not want to see me or talk to me just yet. That hurt. We'd been apart all day. I'd just spent hours tormented by the idea of never seeing her again, and she was denying me her scent, her smile, her gaze, her thoughts, her embrace, everything but the sight of her rushing up the path to Angela's house.

I drove past without slackening my speed. I knew where to go, a place I could park and monitor her through Angela's thoughts from my car without disturbing or being disturbed by anyone. It was wrong. Not what she wanted. Not truly necessary, since Alice's surveillance was so much less intrusive than mine. But letting her out of my awareness at this moment was as impossible for me as befriending a werewolf.

I would just check in. Just reassure myself that she was safe, alive, whole, breathing. I _needed_ to. I knew that Bella didn't like when I had to be away from her, because it reminded her of those months of abandonment. I had no choice about leaving her periodically, and I did everything possible not to increase her anxiety.

But she didn't seem to understand that I had gone through a similar experience. Shorter, perhaps, but more acute. She had believed I didn't love her and she would never see me again. I had believed she had killed herself. Being away from her and fearing that the worst had happened brought back the excruciating despair. She could avoid putting me in that position, make life easier for me, but she did not. Maybe I deserved to suffer because both of our misapprehensions had been my doing. My heartless lies, my careless leap to conclusions. She was innocent. She had never hurt me. Until now.

Sitting in my car, monitoring Bella's whereabouts through another person's mind, reminded me of that first evening in Port Angeles. Those vile scum had threatened her. She had been afraid. So relieved when she saw my car. So grateful that I'd been near. Not like today. Today she was not pleased to see me at the scene. Today the danger had been far greater, but she refused to recognize it. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing! Had the metaphor ever been more fitting?

I'd promised myself to keep my distance, as it were. Not listen to every word of their conversation. But my name caught my attention.

"_What's wrong?"_ Angela asked.

"_Oh, he's mad at me."_

"_That's hard to imagine."_ Angela pictured the last time she'd seen us together at school. Adoration was written all over my face. I looked completely besotted. "_What's he mad about?"_

I really shouldn't eavesdrop. But Bella's answers might help me understand how to stop this from happening again. I couldn't resist.

"_Do you remember Jacob Black?"_

"_Ah." That boy from the reservation who showed up at school. The guys expected a fight. They were making bets on which of them would win. _

Yeah.

"_Yeah."_

"_He's jealous_," Angela stated confidently. Jealous? Was that the right word for my stress, terror and loathing?

"_No, not jealous_," Bella contradicted. "_Edward thinks Jacob is…" _a filthy dog and his mortal enemy, I supplied "… _a bad influence. Sort of dangerous_," she continued. That too. _"It's all ridiculous though."_

I ground my teeth in frustration. She didn't take my concerns seriously! How was I going to get through to her?

"_Bella, I've seen how Jacob Black looks at you. I'd bet the real problem is jealousy."_

"_It's not like that with Jacob."_

"_For you, maybe_." Maybe! That meant it could be true. I felt sick. Yes, jealousy was definitely part of my reaction. "_But for Jacob…"_

"_Jacob knows how I feel. I've told him everything."_

"_Edward's only human, Bella. He's going to react like any other boy. He'll get over it."_ Human feelings were part of the problem, certainly. But as I wasn't actually human, I had no hope of getting over anything. I would never stop loving her or stop detesting him.

"_I hope so. Jake's going through kind of a tough time. He needs me." _Bella, _I_ need you!

"_You and Jacob are pretty close, aren't you?"_

"_Like family." _No. Bella would be part of _my_ family, not his.

"_And Edward doesn't like him…That must be hard. I wonder how Ben would handle that?"_

Well, he'd probably handle it better than me. My feelings were overwhelming, and for a while, they gripped me so tightly I couldn't even think. Obviously, I was jealous. Bella was the most adorable, beautiful, caring, delightful, enchanting girl in the world, to use only the first five letters of the alphabet. I knew all too well I wasn't the only one who thought so. How could I not be jealous? She'd assured me that her love would never wane, but she was human. She might come to resent my limitations. I wouldn't blame her. I was far from the catch she thought I was, and she had so many other options. I had to hear my would-be rivals every day at school. _I wish Cullen would take off again... She's so pretty.... Maybe she'll get tired of him. He's kind of possessive… She was really nice when I asked her to help me with the math homework... It must be a lot of pressure dating a Cullen; if she were with me it would be a lot more relaxing and fun... I love seeing her smile… One of these days he'll dump her for good and she can cry on my shoulder! _The flow was relentless, present anytime I tuned in. And Jacob Black was not just any hopeful suitor. He was special to her.

But I wasn't only jealous. I was quite sure of that. As much as I dreaded that she'd come to her senses and select a more suitable partner, I also knew I could accept any path she thought would lead her to happiness. What I could never accept was any choice that could result in injury. I'd seen her body broken and bleeding. I'd heard her screams of fear and pain. I'd imagined her heart stilled and her spirit extinguished. No matter what was required, I would not allow any of these horrors to happen, ever again.

_Sweetheart! _The joy and excitement in that word recalled me from my thoughts. But of course, it wasn't Bella addressing me. Her mind was silent, and if I could hear it, I was sure she had some other names for me at the moment. It was Angela's happiness at her boyfriend's return that had drawn my attention. Bella was taking her leave. I turned my car on. She had to be heading home now. I would be waiting for her.

* * *

_Author's Note: Writing Edward's perspective really helps me sympathize with him! I don't like how he tries to control Bella, but now I can see a lot better where he is coming from. Back when he barely knew Bella, he was on the verge of slaughtering the men in Port Angeles who had only threatened her. Now she expects him to stand by while she's with people who are far more dangerous, where he's not allowed to be and where Alice can't monitor events? He really can't handle this situation. And yet in the end he does accept it! _

_Please let me know what you think!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Lots of dialogue from Eclipse in this chapter. That's Stephenie's, and the rest is mine. _

* * *

I slid through the window into Bella's room, into her supremely alluring scent. Just being here comforted me. I'd experienced some of the most powerful and important moments of my life within these four walls. Charlie was downstairs. He was reflecting on a call from Billy Black. It was hard to judge what the two of them wanted more: for Jacob and Bella to make them in-laws or for my family and me to vanish from the face of the earth. _Don't let it get to you_, I told myself sternly._ It's a pipe dream. It doesn't matter what they want. Or what the dog wants. Or what I want. It's her choice, not anyone else's. _

I could hear her truck approaching. She slammed the door, made her way up the steps—_Be careful, love!_—and entered the house. I could pick up her heartbeat. She was nervous. She expected me to be waiting. She chatted with Charlie briefly, and then I heard her climb the stairs.

She opened the door, and I was stunned into tense immobility. I could see her properly for the first time since I'd taken leave of her early this morning. For a fleeting instant, I had the impulse to fly across the room and wrap my arms around her, crush her against me. But I could also _smell_ her, and it was wrong, all wrong. Sickening. Horrifying. _She smelled like a dog. _The most exquisite, delightful, mouth-watering scent I'd ever encountered, and he'd stolen it. Polluted it. It was like sniffing a beautiful flower and discovering an infestation of insects. Taking a swig from a glass of cold spring water after a sojurn in the desert and tasting pure vinegar. Leaning in for a kiss and receiving a slap. What had they been doing? His scent permeated her clothes. Even her hair! He had invaded _my_ territory. No, not invaded. She had gone willingly. Somehow, that knowledge didn't improve my mood. But I wouldn't show her my disgust. That would be rude.

"Hi," she said quietly. I was still reeling from the revolting smell. The shock and distaste had erased my momentary calm and jolted me right back into anger. I wanted to scream at her for her thoughtless risk-taking, beg her to promise never to go there again, impose my will on her any way I could. But I was torn between these reactions, and I had to acknowledge that none seemed productive. I wouldn't scream at her. I had pleaded with her, and I had laid down the law, to no avail. I did nothing.

"So, I'm still alive." Her tentative words only served to emphasize all the nightmarish moments that her survival was in doubt. I remained silent and motionless. She shrugged. "No harm done." I pinched the bridge of my nose. Evidently, the agony she'd put me through and the drastic measures I'd nearly taken didn't constitute harm. But she didn't know about that.

"Bella, do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"

She gasped. "You can't!" she exclaimed. "Edward, they'd use any excuse for a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules!"

"Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy a fight." For a brief, giddy moment I allowed myself to envision the magnificent satisfaction of ending his existence. But she wouldn't like that.

"Don't you start. You made the treaty. You stick to it." Damn the treaty! I had no intention of killing any humans and no desire to set foot on their precious territory. I had no problem honoring the spirit of the treaty. If she hadn't gone where Alice was blind and I was bound not to follow, the issue would never have arisen. But more important than any treaty was my vow to Bella, to myself, to whatever god was listening: to protect her.

"If he'd hurt you," I began.

She interrupted me. "Enough! There's nothing to worry about. Jacob isn't dangerous."

Wrong answer! She meant to reassure me but her blithe dismissal of the threat had the opposite effect. She was stumbling towards a cliff in the dark. She was swimming with sharks. She was walking on a high wire without a net. Being with a werewolf was manifestly dangerous—how could she not know that? Had he concealed what he was capable of? Despite my desperate yearnings, I'd taken care to warn her against me. I'd given her many chances to keep her distance. He didn't seem to have the same scruples. _Better frightened than lied to. She's tougher than you think. A little trouble makes life fun. _These were hardly the words of a sensible, mature, cautious individual whose company I could approve for her.

"You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous."

"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you." I clenched my teeth. She wasn't exactly the best judge of what I did or didn't have to worry about, either. Besides being a menace to society, he was in love with her! Even without my abilities, our classmates knew it.

She approached and slid her arms around me. Her body heat felt wonderful, as always, but the scent of werewolf made it impossible for me to forget my distress and relax into her embrace. She apologized, and I couldn't help thawing a little bit. I put my arms around her. _Remember this_, I told myself. _Her soft body, her lively heartbeat, her glowing spirit. What you thought you might never hold or hear or enjoy again._

"It was a very long day," I admitted.

"You weren't supposed to know about it. I thought you'd be hunting longer."

"When Alice saw you disappear, I came back." Of course.

"You shouldn't have done that," she chided. "Now you'll have to go away again."

"I can wait." I had to wait. After today I didn't know when I'd be able to tear myself away from her. I could tolerate the thirst. That just burned my throat, but the separation from her raged through my whole body and the hideous uncertainty lacerated my mind.

"That's ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob, but you should have known—"

"But I didn't." I didn't know. I couldn't know. I spent hours not knowing, and it was unbearable. "And you can't expect me to let you—"

"Oh, yes, I can," she retorted. "That's exactly what I expect—"

What was the point in debating? "This won't happen again," I declared.

"That's right! Because you're not going to overreact next time." Overreact! I'd spent every second since I'd gotten Alice's call controlling my emotions, quelling my instincts. And she thought I was the one who needed to change my behavior.

"Because there isn't going to be a next time." I spelled it out.

"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don't like it."

"That's not the same. I'm not risking my life."

"Neither am I." This exchange was not constructive. I shouldn't let her draw me into bickering.

"I'm not negotiating this, Bella," I said firmly.

"Neither am I." Another impasse! Our connection felt unbreakable and inescapable, like magnets, yet we seemed to have stark differences of opinion on many important matters. She spoke again. "Is this really just about my safety?"

"What do you mean?" It was silly, it was the least of my concerns, but what came to mind was the awful smell. Did she think that was what I wanted to avoid?

"You aren't…," her voice trailed off. "I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?"

"Do I?" I knew he'd been all over her. Just like he wanted.

"Be serious."

"Easily. There's nothing remotely humorous about this."

"Is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled—"

Maybe. Yes. No. Of course. Of course not. It's only natural. It's completely ridiculous. It was so many things that even my mind couldn't sort it all out. But in the end it was only one thing: _if all else remained, and she were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger_. I couldn't survive losing Bella. She was not allowed to be in jeopardy.

"This is _only_ about you. All I care is that you're safe."

"Okay. I believe that. But I want you to know something—when it comes to all this enemies nonsense, I'm out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland."

"Bella," I began. She hadn't meant to upset me, but she refused to make any promises, to set my mind at ease. If someone was sorry, shouldn't that mean not repeating the offense? But she wasn't sorry she had spent time with him. She only regretted that I was unhappy about it. This argument wasn't going anywhere. I could see that I wasn't going to convince her. If she wouldn't help me, I'd have to protect her without her cooperation. I'd just have to guard her more closely. I could manage that. It was time to change the subject. I wrinkled my nose.

"What now?" She sounded annoyed.

"Well…don't be offended, but you smell like a dog."

Her mouth twisted into a rueful smile. "I'm sorry," she said meekly. "What can I do?"

"Really?" I eyed her warily, but she nodded.

"I want to smell good to you. You haven't even kissed me."

"I'll kiss you," I assured her. I reached under her chin to tilt her face up, but she swatted my hand away.

"Not so fast. I want you to enjoy it. Tell me what to do."

"I don't know," I admitted. But her obvious wish to please me was taking the painful edge off the unpleasant odor. "Take a long, hot shower? And—" I paused. I didn't want to be unreasonable.

"What?" she demanded.

"Do you really like those clothes?"

She laughed. "These old things? Why, do you want to burn them?" Her mouth fell open at my expression. "You do! You want to burn my outfit!" She giggled. "Okay. If that's what it takes."

Forty minutes later, her clothes were destroyed and she was lying in my arms, dressed in a fresh shirt and sweatpants, her hair wet and her skin flushed and damp from the shower. I buried my face in her neck and reveled in the intoxicating fragrance. Her heart was pounding. Her fingers were stroking my face. "I love you, Edward," she breathed. She anchored her hands into my hair. "But you still haven't kissed me."

"I'm afraid," I whispered. I was actually trembling. The rage and stress, then the relief, and now the euphoria were too much for my system to handle.

"Afraid of what?" she said in surprise.

"I won't be able to stop."

"I'll take my chances." Her smile— beautiful, wicked, electrifying— sent a shiver of excitement through me. She pulled me closer, and I felt the hot, sweet, softness envelop my lips. We kissed and kissed. It was like something out of a fairytale, the miraculous pot of gold that never diminished, an endless stream of delight. Because normally I'd have to stop. But her mouth on mine, her body against mine, the sound of her ragged breathing— these sensations were delicious, compelling and magical, without being overwhelming, without escalating into wild impulses that I had to restrain. I ran my hands through her hair, surprised to find that it was nearly dry. But I had just started kissing her. She was both relaxed and charged up as she pressed herself close to me. Were our lips moving in one long kiss or an infinite series of kisses? A voice from below shattered our blissful bubble.

"Bella! What are you doing up there? Are you going to cook dinner?"

* * *

_Author's Note: Edward mentally quotes the same famous line from Wuthering Heights that Bella quotes at the end of Eclipse. __Please review! Reviews mean so much to me and I try to reply to each one._


	4. Chapter 4

It was déjà vu all over again. Another hunt with my brothers. Another call from Alice. Another instant surge of anger and panic. Alice explained how Bella had gotten away. He'd _kidnapped_ her. No, that wasn't right. I was the one who had kidnapped her. I'd bribed Alice to snatch her without warning and restrict her freedom of movement. He had rescued her. I had to give him credit. Bella must have told him that Alice could not see his kind, and he had cleverly exploited his knowledge to enable Bella to escape her. To escape me.

Jasper and Emmett were more than a few miles away. I couldn't hear them anymore. I dropped to the ground. They'd come back to find me, and in the meantime, I'd decide what to do, what to tell them.

The feelings of fear and tension were worse than before, because they were familiar and I knew they would only get worse as the seconds ticked by.

Why was this happening again? I'd taken steps to ensure that it wouldn't. But I'd put too much faith in Alice. I'd left a loophole, and he'd driven right through it, with Bella clinging onto his back. That was a difference. Last time she'd driven her truck. This time she'd jumped on the back of a motorcycle piloted by a reckless teenaged boy. Neither of them wore helmets. What was she going to do next time to be with him? Wait, _next time_? Could I endure this again and again?

Yes, there would be a next time. She had told me so. She'll find a way. _They_ will. They'll be plotting, either together or separately, against me and my restrictions. She was already furious and resentful. _"Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."_ That message had actually pleased me, because she was waiting for me at home. Sleeping in the bed I'd bought for her… for _us_. What more could I ask for in this world? But he'd sprung her from my trap. What if I went home and she wasn't waiting, because she didn't like the way I treated her?

I can't be this way with Bella.

"_This won't happen again." _

"_Because you're not going to overreact next time."_

It had happened again. It would happen again in the future. Much as I longed to evade the unwelcome conclusion, logic presented me with just one course of action. I hadn't been able to change her behavior. The only way to avoid the crushing anxiety was to change my reaction. To me it was natural and appropriate to experience deep concern about where she was and who she was with. But she called it an overreaction. What did she want me to do? Accept it. Trust her. Did I have it in me to do that?

I didn't think so, but I had to find a way. I could really use Jasper now. I thought about going after him, but I couldn't summon up the will to move. I've done a lot of very difficult things, I reminded myself. Resisting her blood, ignoring her, leaving her. Those choices had been impossible— until I'd made them happen. But all that was to keep her safe! Of course, I'd pay any price to protect her.

Something clicked in my mind. I had thought keeping her under my or Alice's supervision was keeping her safe. Keeping her away from the reservation was keeping her safe. But there was another way to look at it. There was no telling what she'd do to get to him. I was putting her in danger by driving her to extremes. And I was alienating her. If she felt that my protection was oppressive, she'd reject it— and me— entirely. The best way to keep her safe was to help her do what she wanted. What she was going to do anyway.

As I got to my feet, I felt uncharacteristically heavy and weary. Carrying on and enduring the uncertainty—intellectually I knew it was the right thing to do, but every impulse and desire was commanding me to sprint back to her side. Forcing myself to stay away was not going to be easy. _For in a minute there are many days. O, by this count I shall be much in years ere I again behold my love! _I pinched the bridge of my nose. I took a deep breath and noticed the scent of elk. There were at least twelve hours to get through. 720 minutes. 43,200 seconds. I might as well hunt.

* * *

_Author's Note: Edward and I both know that "déjà vu all over again" is redundant. We're quoting Yogi Berra, who played for and managed the New York Yankees and the New York Mets and said lots of funny things along the way. The quote in the final paragraph is from Romeo and Juliet._

_This final chapter is short, but I hope you found it plausible. I think Edward is smart and mature enough to arrive pretty swiftly at the unavoidable conclusion that there's only one way forward for him and the relationship: he has to accept the unacceptable. _

_Please let me know what you think! Reviews are as beautiful as Edward's sparkling skin._


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